Been awhile

It's been awhile, I've been sick and so busy with work that I haven't found the time to sit and write how I've been feeling. I went home for Thanksgiving it was a very short trip plauged with me being sick and not feeling like doing much, but I enjoyed my time "away" and being able to spend time with my mom. It's amazing as we get older how much more we learn to appreciate our family.

I really needed this time away to reflect on myself and figure out why I had been feeling so down. I didn't really get much of an opportunity because I slept alot because I just felt so downright shitty. I came back and missed two days of work and then went into a whirlwind of a broadway show (Avenue Q..Amazing!) and Christmas parties. My mom wanted me to come home for Christmas but I've decided after almost not making it out from the snow that I would rather go home when the weather isn't as bad. Don't get me wrong I will probably be pretty sad on Christmas not being with my mom and doing the "familiar" for Christmas but I will survive. Christmas just feels weird with all the houses decorated and there is no snow. Now, I hate snow and want no part of it but it's just what I associate with Christmas.

Things are kind of getting a little better with the roommate. Sydney seems to be accepted a little more but there are times where I feel like I'm trying to talk to someone who hates me. I'm trying to not shut down and shut her off again because I don't want it this way. I put up the X-mas tree and her and her sister decorated the house. I still at times really feel like I'm in the way in my own home and like I don't belong there and am not wanted there. It really saddens me but I'm trying to make the best of it. I'm still not feeling 100% either so I've been going to bed super early.

On another note B is no longer speaking to me because of the girlfriend and a comment I made about her when we were all out. I have apologized and called it a day. This is probably a blessing in disguise. R on the other hand I have no freaking clue what is going on there. Pretty much nothing has changed in our "realtionship" since he decided he didn't want to date me except for the status I suppose. I find myself missing him all the time, I'll be somewhere having a great time and I will think, wow it would be so much fun to have him here, or he would find this funny..etc, etc. I have talked to other guys but the chemistry (or lack of spark for him) just isn't there.

I have started hanging out with a new group of friends though that I met through my gay boyfriend and they are all fabulous and I always find myself laughing, it's a nice distraction from everyday crap. On a positive note I was completely elated on Tuesday when I learned of the arrest of the governor of Illinois..It's about time!!! A and I were out last night and it's funny how interested people are in the situation knowing we are from there. For anyone who has ever met me I have always said it was just a matter of time before this happened and that I would never, ever vote for anyone regardless of my political party choice if they were from Illinois. Government is so corrupt in that state and it is going to take a long time to reverse the damage from the current governor and the previous one who is sitting in his own jail cell right now.

I am thankful though that this week is almost over and payday is right around the corner, so I can finally start doing some Christmas shopping! I hate being so broke!!!!